Depression Sucks

Literally.  It literally sucks the life out of you.   I have nothing to be sad about.  I LOVE my family.  My family loves me.  My kids are comical, loving and mischievous.   I've got AMAZING friends.   My husband has been so supportive.  So what's wrong with me?  Why am I so dang - NOT ME!  I am NOT a depressed person.  It's simply not me.  Especially when I have NOTHING to be depressed about! 

I recently took a trip to Michigan with my good friend Alison.  She's also a Beachbody coach.  We are not on the same team but we met at an event in Chicago and just clicked.  You know how you meet someone and it's like you've known them your entire life?  That's us!   We are there for eachother (she more than me I'm afraid) but we are close.  We get together about once a year.   Hopefully I'll get to see her again because this trip was way to short.  And honestly - I was EXHAUSTED!  Felt tired all day, didn't help that I left my Shakeology at home!  But I am thankful she's my friend. He we are after our Super Sunday in Grand Rapids.  We ate at PF Changs. :)

While she did brighten my mood, there was still something off.  Still is.  Beachbody is coming out with an exciting new program called Cize, by Shaun T.  It's a dance program that looks AMAZING!  After our Super Sunday we were going to do that.  I got HORRIBLE anxiety!  I left.  Couldn't do it.  I can't help but wonder if my thyroid is causing all these issues again.  I was doing so well!  And now - it's not.  :(  It sucks.   It's not like me to skip out on something like that.  Dancing is not my favorite but I am usually willing to try something new!  For some reason the idea of me doing it made me go through the whole heart racing - fast breathing - dizzy thing.  It was awful.  Now I look at this picture and wonder - WHY did I not do it?  What happened?   Why is it that I couldn't just do something that normally wouldn't have even bothered me?

And now I'm home.  With my boys.  <3  Right now they are playing in the back yard while I type.  Earlier I was watching them roll down the hill.  It was like  a dark cloud was hanging over me. Ironically, I'm feeling better after typing this and sitting in the evening sun.   My boys are my everything.  I do not want to be the mom that has no energy.  That can't get up and do anything because she is so depressed.  I don't want to be the mom who misses out on the best years of her children's life. I don't want to be the mom who doesn't play tag with her little boy because she's to embarrassed to run with him due to her size.  Or because she simply can't get up for the day.  Currently I'm on the search for an endocrinologist  who is willing to work with Armour.  That is a natural thyroid medication that is made out of dessicated pig thyroid.  It's made me feel better and until recently I haven't "felt" bad.  I hope this doctor is willing to work with me and help me figure out what my problems are.   Until then, the only thing I can do is make myself get up.  I'm not going to miss my boys' life.  And I'm not going to have them grow up to resent me because I was to depressed to get up for the day. 

Happy Monday ya'll -  May your week be blessed!

- Rose