Thanksgiving Now and then...

Sometimes, Holidays are tough.  Especially when you are not in your own house.  I've been at my in laws house and I've had lots of time to reflect how different my thanksgiving was to my husbands.  I enjoy myself at both and thankfully, get along with my in laws.   And even though there is nothing like moms cooking, Mike's family Thanksgiving  was great.  I enjoy both.  The traditional thanksgiving I grew up with and the one Mike grew up with.  And I am happy that we get to incorporate these traditions with the boys. 

Growing up meant waking up and watching the parade while mom baked the Turkey.  She also had pecan, pumpkin, and sometimes chocolate pie that she had made days earlier and had in the freezer.   Green bean casserole, roles, her amazing not from a can creamed corn....THE BEST!  The type of potato varied from sweet to mashed depending on the day.  By the time the parade was over the house smelled immaculate.  Mom brought out the fine china (real china, not paper plates!) and silverware.  The table was beautiful.  Turkey - golden and shiny.  potatoes full of butter...every thing had its place.  Being a military family, we often celebrated with just us.  No going over to grandma and grandpas.  A few times we went or they visited us but for the most part it was just us.   We would eat until we were stuffed!  Following our amazing dinner we would veg out and just enjoy each others company.  Then, we would dig in for more!

Now a days, it's a bit different.  I've been married now for 10 years.  My father in law owns some land with a little hunting shack.  Every year they go hunting - which always falls on Thanksgiving.  It's known as "Hunters Widows Week" around this small Wisconsin town.  We have been here a few weeks and I have seen him less times than not.  Its ok though because he gets some amazing bonding time with his father and brother.  The day of Thanksgiving, they don't hunt. My father in law got cable and we were able to watch the thanksgiving parade while drinking mimosas!  YUM!  In non traditional form, the guys cooked the dinner while the ladies watched football!


Even my little man helped grandpa bake pumpkin pie!
 

Little man on the other hand was quite the slacker.  Thumb sucking is hard work!
 

The food amazing but also slightly different from what I'm used to.  Yes, we had Turkey, mashed potatoes and cranberries.  But we also had perrogies, pickled vegetables, cabbage rolls and something called kapusta.  It's filled with more members of the family, cousins, and lots of noise! Typically we will go to my Mother in Laws vegetarian (and AMAZING) thanksgiving as well but she was visiting her mom this year.    The nice thing about being here was watching my boys interact with family.

Family is so important to us and it was great watching everyone interact with the kids.  Even better, it was great watching my two boys play with their cousin. She is a darling little thing and so much fun.  It was great.  The kids ran and ran all day long.  We barely got them to sit still long enough to eat!  I barely caught a picture at the end, guess I should have done that in the beginning. 

I am so thankful we had such a great thanksgiving and the boys had so much fun.  I'm thankful for family that cares about my children and takes teh time to spend time with and play with them.  Not everyone is so fortunate.  I hope you all had as much fun this thanksgiving as I did!

ALSO!  Don't forget to enter for the free tickets to Omaha's Ugly Sweater Run!  Drawing will be done the 30th!

A Chance to Win Entry to Omaha's Ugly Sweater Run

It's that time of year again Omaha!  The Ugly Sweater Run is BACK and I have been give four FREE entries into this years race!  WOOHOO!  Run to Grandma's closet and (with her permission of course) find the ugliest holiday sweater you can find!

My sister has done this in the past and raved about it!  Holidays can be busy and stressful.  What better way to ease the tension and mix in a little exercise with a fun run such as this?  But wait! What's the details?  I'm glad you asked!

       What?  The Ugly Sweater Run
       When?  December 14, 2014 11:00 a.m.

       Where? Century Link Center

                      455 North 10th ST

                      Omaha, Nebraska

        Why? Ummm....why not?

Need more information?  Feel free to pop on over HERE to the direct website.  Now, you know all the information, enter the contest below.   *****WINNING CODE IS ONLY GOOD FOR THE OMAHA RACE******  

a Rafflecopter giveaway

I never dealt with PPD

This was the first time I held my son.  Holden.  My beautiful, well tempered, happy baby boy.  His birth came fast and quick.  It didn't seem real.  My vbac?  less than an hour of active labor.  The pain of labor is still fresh in my mind.  I still remember looking out my bathroom window.  Noticing the green grass, clothes line, and leaves blowing in the gentle summer breeze. He came so fast.  I wasn't expecting such raw emotions to flow through my veins.  Lindsay, my doula, was wonderful but I think the activity may have been fast even to her newly doula'd hands.  I held him in the picture above.  I don't remember it.  I know I am looking at him, you can see it in the picture.  But I don't remember it.  I remember shaking.  I remember being wrapped up into this chair thing and the EMT's dragging me down the stairs and putting me in the car.  I remember being put in the car and a seat belt being put  on me. I remember holding my baby. I remember being told congratulations.  But my baby, my actual babies face?  I don't remember looking.  Surely I must have though.  Right?  What mother wouldn't look at the miracle she had been waiting so long to meet?

When we got to the birthing center, Holden was checked over.  I was checked over.  My placenta looked great.  I needed stitches.  I remember someone handing him back to me but I was shaking so bad I asked for someone else to hold him.  My midwife was suprised.  Shocked even? I think I was still trying to gather in everything.  And then?  Then I took a bath.  A beautiful, wonderful, relaxing bath.  I stayed in there for a very long time.  I was still in pain, my stomach was squishy but I still couldn't believe I had a baby.  A nurse made me hold him. I'm glad she did.  Feeling him lay on me felt so right.   I do remember being afraid I would fall asleep but I never did.  After my bath, I climbed back into bed and held my son.

The 17 months following that were off and on it seemed.  I did not feel close to him. Other times I felt like we were making a connection but it didn't quite seem real.  Heck, nothing in my life felt real.  There were times where I would lay on the couch for days, moving through life like a robot because I just couldn't cope.  The guilt of not doing the same things with him that I did with his brother was overwhelming.  Dividing time between two kids, making sure the oldest didn't feel left out, making sure my husband still got his time with me, and trying to be a good wife and mother became to much.  I felt myself slipping back and forth between battling depression and being happy.  Between lashing out at loved ones and being a sloth on the couch.   I never dealt with PPD.  I never deal with being an inadequate wife and mother.  I never dealt with me.

 Today, my son gets closer and closer to being 18 months.  I realize how much of a little boy he is becoming.  No longer a baby.  He has changed so much.  His hair has changed, his face has changed, he's more mobile, active, vocal....He's one amazing little guy I'll tell ya that!  But one thing that has always made me feel guilty.  Because of my PPD I have always felt distant.  I don't feel like I held him enough.  I don't feel like he is close to me like my oldest.  I honestly feel like those first few crucial months of me not being there for him, has ruined my relationship with him.  It breaks my freaking heart.  Why was I like that?  Why didn't I get help?  He has never been a cuddler, sleeps through the night, and quit nursing just before a year.  If I held him more would he want me to snuggle with?  Would he want me to hold him in the night?  Would he have nursed longer?  

PPD can strike any mother.  1 in 10 women suffer from it.  I think mine was relatively low and it has been my own stubborn will that has helped me deal with it.  I should also say, I had an amazing support system.   My kids are wonderful.  My husband was always helpful, especially during the night or days when I just couldn't get up.  I wasn't thrown into motherhood to thrive alone.  I don't know why it happened to me, I only know that it did. I know that I HAD to get over it.  It was no way to live. It wasn't living.  It put a strain on my marriage and my relationship with my kids.  I could not let it win. It hasn't been easy

It has been a long journey. I can remember not knowing what to do with him.   Almost like he was a first baby.  Despite having another son who was just 2 years older.  I felt, and sometimes still do, feel so distant from him.  The guilt that I have messed up eats away at me.  More so now.  I pray that I can repair any damage I did.  I know some people reading this will think "he's just a baby he will be fine."  I know he will be fine. At least I hope he will.  I hope he knows that he is loved.  Always.  He will always be my baby.  The love I have for him will last forever.  It is because of him, I kept going.  Though he is tiny, he is my strength.  I hope I make him proud to have me as his mom one day.

Dealing with weightloss and Hypothyroidism sucks....

As much as I would love to blame all my weight loss issues on my thyroid, I can't.  But there are some things involving weight loss and thyroid issues that I CAN blame it on and sometimes, its simply defeating.  The trouble I have losing this weight makes me absolutely terrified to gain any! I knew it was going to be hard - but in the past, I never had this issue.  Of course losing weight is never easy - with or without thyroid issues, I just don't remember it being THIS difficult.

For instance, lets talk falling off the wagon.  It happens.  You do AMAZING for a couple months then a wrench get tossed into your perfect little schedule.  Maybe you go on vacation, have a baby, get married, girls night out....stuff happens.   When I fall off the wagon, I can literally undo a couple months worth of work in a week.  Which of course goes down another path of depression and destructive eating.  I suppose the best way I can describe it is that a switch gets turned off.  And it's not until that switch gets turned back on that I can really get focused and back on track.  All of this can be related to my thyroid.  My thyroid does not produce enough hormones.  Some days it's just out of wack.

Fatigue.  *yawn*  There are days where I am so danged tired.  If I forget to take my medication for a couple days, or sometimes even a day, I notice it.  It's so strange.  I mean, I can be tired all day long, wanting to nap but come night time when I can sleep, no, I am wide awake.  But tired.  Does that make any sense?  I'm having a hard time finding the words to explain this.  Since switching to a more natural medication, Armour thyroid, it's much better.  But occasionally I'm barely there.

So what's a girl to do?  I've got 2 little boys and a house to clean, daily naps are not the answer!  Here are some things that have helped me: 

• Cut out sugar - this really helps with brain fog and mood swings
• Eat my fruits and veggies - Not only are these good for me, but they help aid in digestion.  Constipation and hard stools are a symptom of Hypothyroidism.
• Exercise - Could be as simple as walking for 30 minutes.  I feel better when I'm done.  This has helped not only my eating but also my depression
• Switch my medication - I had been taking Synthroid for years.  Then I read the book Hypothyroidism, Health and Happiness by Steven F. Hotze MD.  I switched to Armour (dessicated pig thyroid) and feel so much better.  It is really a night and day experience.
• Get a good nights rest - duh... this is a gimme. 
• Smile - even on days I don't want to.
• Have a support group - people who cheer me on and support me have been VITAL

My biggest struggles with thyroid would have to be depression and weight gain.  I'm lucky enough to have an AMAZING support system.   They wont let me quit.  I wont let me quit.  With the help of family and friends, and following my guidelines above, I know that I will succeed.  Quitting isn't an option.  My kids look up to me and I am becoming healthy for myself and for them.  No matter how hard it is, I will keep going.

5 Ways Being a Mom has Changed Me...So Far

I've got two wonderful boys.  They are 1 and 3, so this makes me an expert right? No? Not yet? Ok fine, but over the last couple of years being a mom I have learned so much.   When I was pregnant with R, my oldest, I SWORE being a mom was not going to change me.  I was going to be the same vivacious, crazy, outgoing person I always had been.   I could totally pull off being being a responsible mother and carefree gal.   I don't think I could have been more wrong.  As the 4th birthday of my oldest draws near, I realize I am far from the person I was 4 years ago.

1) Your most important relationships, are no longer there.  You know the people I'm talking about.  The ones that are there at the drop of a hat.  Want to do a last minute dinner - BOOM you have a date!  Random activity - hey call your bestie.  Not after the kids!  Turns out babies take a lot of time.  You get invited to a lot of things and you can't go.  Eventually you stop getting invites.  Sometimes it sucks, but most of the time, it's ok.  Because you realize that those cartoons your kids want to watch or the extra snuggles you get are a million times better than those nights out.

2) Things don't matter!  Boy, do I ever wish I didn't spend so much money on junk.  Clothes, shoes, trinkets, nights out... before kids I pretty much bought what I wanted.  Growing kids that require new clothes, activities and food, it all adds up.  If I could offer one piece of advice to young kids today, it would be to not waste your money.  You do not need a t shirt from every concert.  You do not need the Jesus bobble head.  Stop buying junk and save your money.   Save that money for trips, activities, and unique experiences.  Spend your money wisely.  Give yourself the gift of being debt free!

3) Your marriage will be strained.  This is a sad reality.  Before kids I had this perfect image in my head of having a marriage just as fun and lively as it was before kids.  We would have our perfect little family and no issues would arise.  Well, that perfect fantasy of mine went up in a cloud of smoke.  Day 1 of bringing our son home I fell asleep in my rocker and he rolled off me onto the floor.  Hysterical we went to the ER to find out...he was perfectly fine.  Day 2 of being home I developed an infection in my c section  incision and I went back to the hospital for an additional 3 days.  I was tossed on anti depressants after taking some stupid quiz (while doped up on pain meds) and felt nothing like myself.  My husband was at a loss and didn't know who I was anymore.  Heck, I didn't know who I was anymore.  Neither of us got any sleep.  R did not sleep through the night until long after he was 3 years old.  Even still - he usually comes into my room to sleep, but at least  he doesn't cry.   Lack of sleep, limited alone time, child rearing, housework...it all takes a toll on your marriage.   It's something you have to work at.  Every. Single. Day.  Yes its hard.  Yes some days suck.  You need a healthy marriage.  Your spouse needs a healthy marriage.  Your kids need a healthy marriage.  Communicate. Make time. Date your spouse.  DON'T GIVE UP!

4)  Your body changes.  I gained weight with both pregnancies.  A LOT with my first.  70 lbs to be exact.  Yikes.... I lost some, then got pregnant with my second.  Only gained about 30 or 35 (can't remember) with that one.   I lived off of french fries and chocolate milkshakes with my first pregnancy.  Ice cream sandwiches at 8:30 a.m.  Nothing good.  Those 9 months of using the "I'm pregnant and can eat whatever I want" excuse took a major tole on my body. I was an emotional wreck.  Thankfully I learned from that.  But I fear it may have been too late at times.   Despite the fact that I have lost weight and am getting smaller, I'm not looking the same.  Yes I'm getting smaller, but things are not bouncing back to the way they used to be!  Lets just say, things are heading south, they are going in the wrong direction! My body delivered two amazing babies and I for that, I am grateful.  That being said, accepting the changes that have come along with those babies has not been an easy task.

5) Life will never be the same.  As I finish this, my night draws to a weary end.  It has been a long day.  Some days seem longer than the others.  Tonight, my son got into nail polish.  Painted his nails and accidentally spilled polish on the floor.  Thank God for hardwood floors and not carpet!  I wasn't mad.  He didn't do it on purpose and it was all cleaned up.  Nothing was ruined.  This is life.  This is MY life.  Every day my life has more stories added to it.  My children add tears of sorrow and tears of joy.  They make me laugh because life becomes so unbearably insane that you really can only laugh.   Messes go beyond dirty diapers and floors.  Laughter is always the best medicine.  Life is never boring.  And no matter how rough the days are, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

P.S.  I'm not who I used to be, but I sure as heck am an awesome mom!

Do You Know Depression?

I've been sitting on this for a while now.  I'm not sure where I was going with it or what exactly I was trying to say but I feel so much better now that it is out.   I have and sometimes do suffer from depression.   It can be a lonely place sometimes, even though everyone around you is trying to support you.  It's really something that can only best be described as "drowning but you can watch everyone else breath."   (I didn't make that up, saw it floating around social media)  Anyways - here is my battle....

Depression is an ugly, ugly disease.  Ever since the death of  beloved Actor, Robin Williams, I've been trying to think of the words to type and what to say.  Following the days of Mr. Williams death my facebook page was filled with his quotes, photos with a suicide prevention hotline number attached, and words of endearment for this extremely talented man.  People everywhere were re-watching their beloved Robin Williams shows, Mrs. Doubtfire anyone?  People were shocked.  I admit, when I saw someone post the news on facebook I was shocked.  I thought it was some sick joke.  The funniest man in the world is not going to commit suicide.  Unfortunately, it was true.  I suppose Comedians, like clowns, can be the saddest people in the world.

  That's the tricky thing about depression.  People are good at hiding it.  They make themselves leave their house.  Put on fake smiles.  Laugh fake laughs.  Have fake fun.  All the while, wanting to scream and cry inside because of the pain they are in.   When a depressed person is alone with their thoughts, it can be frightening.  It's like a freight train running through your head full of things that depress you.  You want to sleep but you can't.  The thoughts just keep coming.  Many people will never know they have a friend who is depressed.  I mean, how many people will come out and ask for help?   For someone to admit that they need help is rare.  Some people don't know how too.  Others feel they would be judged.  When someone is depressed, do not judge them. Do not talk about them.  Do not try to "fix" them. Do not give them unsolicited advice.

Do you know what major skill most people are lacking?   LISTENING!  turn on your listening ears and close your damn mouth!  Sometimes its frustrating.  You will be listening to someone who is complaining a lot.  Someone whose issues seem so miniscule, but those are really just the underlying issues to the problems.  It is hard being a listener to a depressed person.  So if you can't put forth the time and effort, just don't.  They know they are hard to be around, but it is harder to be alone.  Just listen.  Be there for them, let them know you care.  Give them a safe place to go.

How do you manage kids, healthy habits, and exercise?

Today I had a friend message me.  "how do you balance out working out and healthy haits with spending time with your kids too?"   And it got me thinking...how do I do it?  It certainly hasn't been easy.  In fact, I feel like it's taken me 3 years to get into a good solid routine!  Lets face it, life happens.  You fall off the wagon, you get back on, you have vacations to attend and parties to go to, you slip out of your routine and start over,  you get pregnant and add an addition to the family... yes, yes indeed life has thrown me quite a few changes!  But finally, I feel like I have a good routine!  How?

For starters, TO DO LIST!  Yes, I know, another person telling you to make a to do list.  Listen, I'm spontaneous, sporadic, unorganized and a go with the flow kind of gal.  Come over on any given day and you will find unfinished laundry, dishes in the sink, and toys in every room of the house.  Yet, some joker wants me to make a to do list?  Puh-lease.  Aint nobody got time for that!  Two very big personal development books tell me otherwise.  30 Day Push by Chalean Johnson and Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy.  I grudgingly accepted the challenge and started writing a nightly to do list.  It has helped immensely.  My to do list, makes it possible for me to have my life organized.  I may not complete my list every day, but you know what I do?  I get the most important things done.  I'm also less likely to forget about play dates, appointments, birthdays or anything else! 

This one is a biggie.  INCLUDE THE KIDS! Yes, include the kids in just about everything!  The pictures below show my running with R, my oldest.  He's 3.  We ran a good half mile at least.  He begged to go running with me one day.  I told him alright and off we went.  We had an absolute blast.  Not only did we get to spend amazing time together, but I got to teach him a lesson in hard work, fitness and health!  The other picture is grocery shopping.  One of my favorite activities to do with the kids.  They are more likely to eat things that they pick out.  It might be as simple as, "hey, which head of lettuce should we get?"  or "What color of bell peppers should we get today?"  We are going to get these items anyways so I might as well let the boys help me pick them out!  (Plus this helps with colors, counting and names of veggies and fruits!)  I'll be honest - I hate grocery shopping without them.  It's so much more fun with them there!  In addition to the shopping, we also cook together.  Sometimes I plop H in the highchair and toss him some sliced up veggies to play with while R and I do "big kid stuff."  That way H is still "involved" and hopefully doesn't feel left out!  Being healthy isn't just exercise, its eating too - so I feel like its important that they see us cooking and eating healthy foods.  R is always so proud (and eats better) when he helps make the meals!

Something else I think is important.  THEY WATCH YOU!  Even when you think they aren't looking, they watch you!  Your good and bad habits will be repeated by them - so make them good habits!  Here, R is exercising.  Mot everyone wants to jaunt off for a jog with their 3 year old so don't let that detour you.  Play hopscotch, jump rope, go to the park, nightly walks or bike rides.  Finish up with a healthy snack.  But you are their #1 role model.  So show them the awesomely active parent you are!   And it may be hard to work out with kids.  I try to work out while they are asleep, it doesn't always happen that way.  And boy, am I glad that is the case! The other day R asked "Put on P90X Mom!" just so he could work out like me.  When he sees me do this, and wants to do it himself, it brings my heart such joy.  It doesn't just stop with R either!  Doing yoga the other day and H joined me for a little downward dog!  Don't I wish I had a picture of that one! This "me" time is often interrupted with lovely times of bonding with my children.  I don't mind it most days!

Finally - MAKE IT A HABIT!  If you are doing these things daily, your family will expect it.  It's just something you do.  it's not a big deal - no body is missing out.  It's NOT going to take all day.  1 hour is just 4% of your day.  You don't even need a full hour!  Do what you can.  Move, shake your booty, show your family (spouse included)  that being healthy is beneficial to everyone.  It may not be easy at first.  It certainly wasn't for us.  But now, it's routine.  yes, sometimes it gets messed up.  Today it took me nearly 2.5 hours to get through a 1.5 hour work out because I had to stop arguments, feed breakfast, wipe bottoms and clean up spills.  it's not like that every day and it wont be for you either.  Be consistent.  talk to them, tell them this is important to you and you need to be healthy for them.  They might resist at first but I promise, stick with it and it will become routine.  Most days - if R is awake, I just say "R, mommy needs to work out now.  Please go play cars in the kitchen or your bedroom."  And for the most part he does.  I certainly am lucky!

In the end, its up to YOU.  You have to make the decisions.  You have to make the time.  You are the role model.  The person they look up to.  They learn from you before anyone else.   keep at it, be positive and don't quit.  Be the person you want your kids to be.