I've got two wonderful boys. They are 1 and 3, so this makes me an expert right? No? Not yet? Ok fine, but over the last couple of years being a mom I have learned so much. When I was pregnant with R, my oldest, I SWORE being a mom was not going to change me. I was going to be the same vivacious, crazy, outgoing person I always had been. I could totally pull off being being a responsible mother and carefree gal. I don't think I could have been more wrong. As the 4th birthday of my oldest draws near, I realize I am far from the person I was 4 years ago.
1) Your most important relationships, are no longer there. You know the people I'm talking about. The ones that are there at the drop of a hat. Want to do a last minute dinner - BOOM you have a date! Random activity - hey call your bestie. Not after the kids! Turns out babies take a lot of time. You get invited to a lot of things and you can't go. Eventually you stop getting invites. Sometimes it sucks, but most of the time, it's ok. Because you realize that those cartoons your kids want to watch or the extra snuggles you get are a million times better than those nights out.
2) Things don't matter! Boy, do I ever wish I didn't spend so much money on junk. Clothes, shoes, trinkets, nights out... before kids I pretty much bought what I wanted. Growing kids that require new clothes, activities and food, it all adds up. If I could offer one piece of advice to young kids today, it would be to not waste your money. You do not need a t shirt from every concert. You do not need the Jesus bobble head. Stop buying junk and save your money. Save that money for trips, activities, and unique experiences. Spend your money wisely. Give yourself the gift of being debt free!
3) Your marriage will be strained. This is a sad reality. Before kids I had this perfect image in my head of having a marriage just as fun and lively as it was before kids. We would have our perfect little family and no issues would arise. Well, that perfect fantasy of mine went up in a cloud of smoke. Day 1 of bringing our son home I fell asleep in my rocker and he rolled off me onto the floor. Hysterical we went to the ER to find out...he was perfectly fine. Day 2 of being home I developed an infection in my c section incision and I went back to the hospital for an additional 3 days. I was tossed on anti depressants after taking some stupid quiz (while doped up on pain meds) and felt nothing like myself. My husband was at a loss and didn't know who I was anymore. Heck, I didn't know who I was anymore. Neither of us got any sleep. R did not sleep through the night until long after he was 3 years old. Even still - he usually comes into my room to sleep, but at least he doesn't cry. Lack of sleep, limited alone time, child rearing, housework...it all takes a toll on your marriage. It's something you have to work at. Every. Single. Day. Yes its hard. Yes some days suck. You need a healthy marriage. Your spouse needs a healthy marriage. Your kids need a healthy marriage. Communicate. Make time. Date your spouse. DON'T GIVE UP!
4) Your body changes. I gained weight with both pregnancies. A LOT with my first. 70 lbs to be exact. Yikes.... I lost some, then got pregnant with my second. Only gained about 30 or 35 (can't remember) with that one. I lived off of french fries and chocolate milkshakes with my first pregnancy. Ice cream sandwiches at 8:30 a.m. Nothing good. Those 9 months of using the "I'm pregnant and can eat whatever I want" excuse took a major tole on my body. I was an emotional wreck. Thankfully I learned from that. But I fear it may have been too late at times. Despite the fact that I have lost weight and am getting smaller, I'm not looking the same. Yes I'm getting smaller, but things are not bouncing back to the way they used to be! Lets just say, things are heading south, they are going in the wrong direction! My body delivered two amazing babies and I for that, I am grateful. That being said, accepting the changes that have come along with those babies has not been an easy task.
5) Life will never be the same. As I finish this, my night draws to a weary end. It has been a long day. Some days seem longer than the others. Tonight, my son got into nail polish. Painted his nails and accidentally spilled polish on the floor. Thank God for hardwood floors and not carpet! I wasn't mad. He didn't do it on purpose and it was all cleaned up. Nothing was ruined. This is life. This is MY life. Every day my life has more stories added to it. My children add tears of sorrow and tears of joy. They make me laugh because life becomes so unbearably insane that you really can only laugh. Messes go beyond dirty diapers and floors. Laughter is always the best medicine. Life is never boring. And no matter how rough the days are, I wouldn't have it any other way.
P.S. I'm not who I used to be, but I sure as heck am an awesome mom!
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